A lot of people ask me how I do this long distance relationship thing. And I never have an answer for it.
Chris and I have been together for a year, two months, and twelve days.
We have also been apart for seven of those months.
I love him dearly, as he loves me. We talk every day, and make sure to stay as connected as possible. I love our phone conversations, and occasional Skype dates that we get. I love when he sends me sweet texts. Boot camp was by far the HARDEST part for us. I remember tearing up every time I got a letter. Even though a letter is just a piece of paper, those letters are the single-most important things I possess. They are constant reminders of how devoted we are to each other. I remember a portion of my favorite letter from him; letter 18 out of 20.
“… I love you!!!! You are the most amazing woman in the world … EVER! I am so lucky to have someone like you at home waiting for me with infinite patience and love. I am the luckiest man ever because you write me so many letters, with a song and perfume (mmm, by the way). I am the luckiest man in the world because I said I was joining the Navy, and you said you’re coming too. I am the luckiest man in the world because you are always there for me when I need you. I am the luckiest man in the world, because I found the only person who can make me warm and fuzzy inside when you’re around, when I think about you. Which, if you were wondering, I do think about you every second of the day, every day. You’re always right here with me in everything I do. I’m sorry this job keeps me away from you for so long, but I will make it up to you, I promise. Just remember, no matter where I am or what I am doing, I am NEVER gone forever. I will ALWAYS come back.”
I hang onto those words now, just as much as I did the first time I read them.
As much as I like that he and I can communicate more than just through a letter, it still gets difficult for us to be so far apart. We can’t console each other in the form of a hug, or kiss, or a confrontational “I love you.” We don’t get to wake up to each other like most couples do. We don’t get to go home to each other and get dinner ready for each other like most couples do. I miss those things a lot.
So, after much thought, deliberation, and lost sleep, I’ve finally decided that being with him is the only thing I really want. He and I are doing just fine being apart. But being “just fine” isn’t necessarily what I want to classify our relationship as.
When he was on his leave in Spokane, we had the best time together! We enjoyed our time together immensely. But, we both could tell there was some tension. Maybe we were just adjusting to finally being together again. I know that for me, it was difficult for me to get super excited, when I knew that he was going to just leave again. It took a day or two to get that mentality out of my mind, and to just be happy that he was there at that moment. I think the tension got to us, because we found ourselves very frustrated with each other one day. We never fight, and it was a scary moment for me. I finally told him that we both obviously had stuff on our minds and that we needed to communicate a little better. Well after lots of talking, we just realized that the distance was just difficult for us. It’s hard for me, because I am the kind of person that needs to feel close with my other half, mentally as well as physically. For him, it was difficult because he felt guilty for putting me through this kind of relationship. I told Chris that I was willing to do anything to be close to him, and that moving was something I was more than willing to consider.
My only fears of moving were simple… how was I going to leave my family? How was I going to tell my mom that she was finally on her own? I am super close with my family, and Chris knows that. But if I put things into perspective, I should have broken away a long time ago. I guess I just didn’t have anything that was motivating me enough; seems like Chris is more than enough. I want to be with him more than anything. And being with him is what I am going to do. I’m finally putting myself first, making MYSELF happy.
Moving is such a scary thought. I’m not just moving from one side of Spokane to another. I’m going clear across the country. I’m really excited though! I’ll finally be able to go to school without all the distractions. I’ll be able to start fresh with my life. But above all, Chris and I will finally get to start our lives together. I want that more than anything (:
There are lots of pros and cons to this. There are lots of unknowns, and lots of gambles. But I really just want to thank our friends and family that have, and always will, support us. We have such a demanding road ahead of us, but somehow, we make it work for us.
I’ll make sure to keep you guys posted on anything new that happens! I love you, thank you for being our support.